Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues

When you're stuck in the rain in Hangzhou
And it's rush hour too
All the cabs are changing shifts
And they’ll not stop to pick up you
You wonder what’s going on
Down the side roads off of Wensan Lu
They’ve got some pink-windowed shops there
But cutting hair’s not what they do

Now if you’re in the Shamrock
Please tell them thanks a lot
I nodded off in the bar
A little after three o’clock
I didn't have the strength
To carry on drinking in that game
Now we’ve got to do an interview
And I don’t even know the man’s name

Who are you talking to?
Could it be the goddess of gloom?
Speaking good English
While spreading poison all around the room
Were you taken in?
Hanging on each and every word
Who can know the truth?
When you doubt everything you’ve heard

Down to the Shangri La
Or over to the Hyatt once again
You must pick one or the other
But you’ll stuff your face just the same
If you're lookin' for something lighter
We can go to CenturyMart KFC
Or down to Fifth Avenue
For beef-rice, diet coke or tea

Now all the authorities
Turn up uninvited just like that
Drag us into meetings
At no notice, at the drop of a hat
If we ever have to see
that Lord Mayor once again
Then we’ll probably have to tell him
Exactly what he can do with his chain

I started out on Qingdao
But soon hit the harder stuff
Everybody said they'd join in
But that baijiu, it sure was rough
At that stinky tofu banquet
The vice-mayor tried to call my bluff
So I'm going back to England
I do believe I've had enough

(with apologies to Bob Dylan)